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(Muffin) Pants

from Muffin Songs Vol​.​1 by B-Va

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about

A fictional depiction of how I met the Muffin.

lyrics

One night down in the club
just mixing overdubs
don’t want to burst your bub but
guess who came and rocked my world?

like lights that are a-strobin’
first sight, she had me gropin’
for my temporal lobe and
I just had to have this girl

What was she like? It’s sort of hard to describe. She was like...

Bread crumbs from head to toe
See how she do-si-do
Look at you like you a schmoe
you don’t wanna mess with her

Just watch her when she dance
it’s hard to look askance
What’s in those pumpkin pants?
There’s no way you can be sure!


I stepped up, just to test her
wore shiny polyester
which seemed not to arrest her
being hot is not a crime

I danced the funky chicken
she stood there panic stricken
no way I’d get my Dickens
English Lit report in time

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Bread crumbs from head to toe
See how she do-si-do
Look at you like you a schmoe
you don’t wanna mess with her, no no no

Just watch her when she’s dancing
it’s hard to look askance, man
What’s in those pumpkin pants?
There’s no way you can be sure!

I can’t help but wonder
when my world is torn asunder
if there isn’t any thunder
in those magic muffin pants?

She’s a muffin, muffin pants

Next evenin’ I was ready
lookin’ sharp my aim was steady
wearin’ my leather teddy
why does this thing feel so tight?

I checked my halitosis
not bad, could barely notice
no way I’m gonna blow this
this is gonna be my night

dancin’ I went autistic
talkin’ I went linguistic
painfully masochistic
til she looked into my face

our eyes locked in appraisal
one eye blue one was hazel
my stallion left the stable
til she put it back in place

credits

from Muffin Songs Vol​.​1, released March 23, 2012

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B-Va New York, New York

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